



Gulliver Land is not what one might call educational (unless you have scientific models on ice-cream melting rates), but it is a very fun day. What I know about Gulliver's travels are the following points.
1) They were written by Jonathan Swift an Irish born writer educated at Hertford College Oxford !
2) He wrote of more than the land of Lilliput (where he was a giant amongst smaller men ), amongst the fantasy worlds described he also includes the Japan's!
3) He wrote his own Epitaph in Latin translated by Yeats.
4) Gulliver is a real family name, though the character is fictional.
5) Gulliver is the ships surgeon.
None of which I saw at the park (get fried food, get beer and get life G).
We left the house somewhat earlier than expected (er.... I'm so not saying that the missing member of the team is the one who makes us late, really, no really ). We popped into the soulless Milton Keynes Tesco's for supplies as I usually get stung by the overpriced offal in bleached white buns in theme parks. So instead we got Tesco's under priced bleached white roles. We got to the park early enough to "enjoy" the opening ceremony, not really a ceremony more a couple of animal suited individuals miming to a sales pitch (buy - eat - buy some more - get the sticker book - we play sim theme park.. etc). I'm not sure what animal the park actors was supposed to be but one looked like a feral rat and the other looked like a road killed hamster.


The entry fee £11.30 for children above 90cm and adults was fine but some rides (the good ones ) require a taller child or adult (130cm), so take a inflatable person with you if you have more children under 130cm than above. I would recommend a retailer for your blow up person but my expertise lies elsewhere.


The park was not busy first thing and all the rides were staffed by happy well trained polite staff . I do wonder though, is it the law that working in this industry yo must have tattoos ? It's not that I'm against body adornment, but ...yes I am, yes I am. Trust in people into self mutilation not hurting me ... er they hurt themselves to look better, hey they might think I look better with a metal spar somewhere nasty. Yes narrow minded, yes petty, yes, but I think you will find I'm right (or at least not disproved).


After 5 hours of screaming like a girl, getting my pants wet and smeared in ice-cream, the children said we had to go home. So a quick visit to the E numbered enriched confectioneries for some ill advised snacks... and so to bed.

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