Team J -1 goes to Gulliver Land

Yep, Mums away so the kid get to play (all three of us).


Gulliver Land is not what one might call educational (unless you have scientific models on ice-cream melting rates), but it is a very fun day. What I know about Gulliver's travels are the following points.
1) They were written by Jonathan Swift an Irish born writer educated at Hertford College Oxford !
2) He wrote of more than the land of Lilliput (where he was a giant amongst smaller men ), amongst the fantasy worlds described he also includes the Japan's!
3) He wrote his own Epitaph in Latin translated by Yeats.
4) Gulliver is a real family name, though the character is fictional.
5) Gulliver is the ships surgeon.
None of which I saw at the park (get fried food, get beer and get life G).

We left the house somewhat earlier than expected (er.... I'm so not saying that the missing member of the team is the one who makes us late, really, no really ). We popped into the soulless Milton Keynes Tesco's for supplies as I usually get stung by the overpriced offal in bleached white buns in theme parks. So instead we got Tesco's under priced bleached white roles. We got to the park early enough to "enjoy" the opening ceremony, not really a ceremony more a couple of animal suited individuals miming to a sales pitch (buy - eat - buy some more - get the sticker book - we play sim theme park.. etc). I'm not sure what animal the park actors was supposed to be but one looked like a feral rat and the other looked like a road killed hamster.


The entry fee £11.30 for children above 90cm and adults was fine but some rides (the good ones ) require a taller child or adult (130cm), so take a inflatable person with you if you have more children under 130cm than above. I would recommend a retailer for your blow up person but my expertise lies elsewhere.

The park was not busy first thing and all the rides were staffed by happy well trained polite staff . I do wonder though, is it the law that working in this industry yo must have tattoos ? It's not that I'm against body adornment, but ...yes I am, yes I am. Trust in people into self mutilation not hurting me ... er they hurt themselves to look better, hey they might think I look better with a metal spar somewhere nasty. Yes narrow minded, yes petty, yes, but I think you will find I'm right (or at least not disproved).

After 5 hours of screaming like a girl, getting my pants wet and smeared in ice-cream, the children said we had to go home. So a quick visit to the E numbered enriched confectioneries for some ill advised snacks... and so to bed.

I Know a girl, a girl called party !

Yes, as we all do, Catherine got older (fiveyearsoldnowthankyouforasking) and so off to the party we go to local ball-pit-climbing-frame-slide thing called "Mad Hatters" (oh the irony of the name)..

We were greeted by Henry, a three year vet from the hell they call children's entertainment. Not so much a dreamy look in his eye more a thousand yard stare (you weren't there man, 50 ankle biters at 10 o'clock, another wave at the LZ 12, didn't know what was going on..) . Henry was a great bloke but years of abuse by over demanding parents and vile children had left him like an maltreated puppy, always trying to please. We were very grateful of his expert guidance throughout.

The little people came and so off to face painting they went. Apparently the legal age cut off is thirty eight and a half and since I'm thirty eight and three quarters I was just too old. I could have been batman otherwise.

The sound level at these places is always incredible. With no doubt long term damage (Hearing aid salesmen take note, you could work some sort of loyalty scheme).

The only thing left after an hour of screaming and running around was to feed the ravenous beasts all those highly "E" numbered food. Things which you normally you try to keep the small people away from, you gladly feed them at parties, dont ask I don't know why.

The cake, decorated by Sam was ritually slaughtered and put into ceremonial napkins ready for the party bags. Clutching balloons that no doubt would pop in their parents car on the way home, the little ones left the party room.



Finally sugar enriched tired children went home with the feeling all round that it had been a good gig.

That is the way to run a railway

Just back from London where Paul and Graham have been have been showing us their toys (fnar fnar). Was quite disappointed at first when they said they "had some stuff in the attic which was just like mainlining", but quickly recovered.



Amazing amount of trains, carriages, track etc . With life like every day railways scenes of school boys bunking off school, dogging couples and vandalised signs.




Eventually true to current form there was a derailment cause by the milk train carriage coming off and blocking the line for some diesel. Railtrack have said it was not there fault and the goverment said there were no plans for an inquiry at this time.


Massive amount of of love and money must of gone into this project, amazing... cheers

British Camp

So Claudia phoned and said wouldn't it be nice to climb a hill (Malverns), as I had just reached my 5th can of lager I said yes (at that point I generally say yes to nine out of ten questions asked). Sam completed the call to Claud and carried on drinking the falling over juice. Sam used to go there as a kid and remembers a good spot.

I wake up to find we are going to British Camp, come on this has to be a set up for a gag (or at least a carry on style ooh eer). British Camp (oh no were are not , we are just very keen on musicals and are very in touch with our mothers). Claud is wearing the sexy bandanna, she is currently a crack (part time) freedom fighter, fighting the war against photos being taken of her without her sun glasses.

First though its a shopping trip to Banbury, ah sweet Banbury with its lovely smelling Kraft foods and dog food factory. I love Banbury as one who loves an ugly pet, who has just rolled in badger poo. The name Banbury is derived from "Banna", a Saxon word meaning "ghastly sprawling retail park with all the soul sucked out by accountants ", although I might have made that up.

Now on to the far reaches of snigger British Camp and to fortify the walk a nice cup of tea and our own body weight in sarnies (lashings of ginger beer etc). Ok now to the much applauded toilets (the web site say "The gents public toilet used to have a good view, but now obscured by frosted glass. Grid ref SO761402." honest !). Here is Vinny and me ordering the women folk to do our bidding (to be truthful, with no effect what so ever) as shown here by Elizabeth showing me that face which means "your not funny and you need to pay me more pocket money"). So armed with an empty bladder and an eye on what time the ice cream shop shut we set off. Vinnie at this point un-sportingly started answering "Yes" to my question "are we there yet " every time I asked it, approximately every twenty seconds or so. After the first twenty yards we realised that we foolishly hadn't packed oxygen and there wasn't a friendly Sherpa to be seen. Quickly things started to turn nasty and I started eyeing up my fellow climber as not so much companions but as walking meals should the worse happen. Eventually we started to make progress in the climb and the very summit was in our grasp. To take our mind off the dizzy heights we chatted about military hardware and hurting small animals (hey do I knock your hobbies).

I really should have used some panaromic software to stick these together, but life is too short

Yes I admit There were some very nice views from the top and it was a great way to get the small people walking on what can only be described as a glorious summers day. Making sure that most of the children that we had set off with were still with us we took a lower road back.


Having made it around a circuit of the camp and onto the the next we rested and had a well deserved ice cream and pint and so to bed ...

Welcome to the Blog

Yep the sad face of technology has just surfaced again ( if Liz my seven year old daughter can have a Blog Then Why can't I)..